Friday, July 13, 2012

My "Birthday"

No, it's not my BIRTHDAY...the day I came into this world is March 25.
I'm talking about my "rebirthday"...the day I accepted Christ. 

a specific day...I have no clue when it is. 

My church does baptisms once a year at Doheny Beach.
I've been baptized as a infant...but not as an adult. 
I got a little emotional at church thinking about it, and it hit me.
I need to be baptized again...on my own terms.

I was raised in a Christian home, but attended a church (my parent's church) that I had a hard time relating and connecting with.
I am a true believer that not EVERY church is for EVERYONE. 
You have to find a church that you are comfortable in.
For about a year or two in high school, I met two amazing youth group leaders at my church that made an impact on my relationship with Christ....but not until later in life.
I've always believed in God, and have always considered myself a "Christian" and "Saved".
When I joined the Marine Corps, I was in and out of church, and in and out of my relationship with God.
The Marine Corps is a difficult place to be a Christian in (that may be a whole another post).
I never stopped believing in him, and I never blamed Him for the way things turned out in my life.
I had a period of very dark times in my life between the ages of 17 through 24....extremely dark.
I always blamed myself for not listening to God and just doing what pleased me and not Him.

It's crazy how God works in your life through the holy spirit. 
Marrying Nick and having a child was a turning point in my life. 
I wanted to make sure that our entire family ended up in heaven.
I started praying more and rekindling my relationship with God in ways I never knew I could.
I found my youth group leaders from high school on facebook, and it was crazy how I started to remember things that they had taught me in Sunday school.
Things that I listened to back then, but didn't really take to heart.
(Again...holy spirit working within me).
I still went through some rough patches throughout this time.
When Nick and I went through our very first deployment together, I drifted away from God a little bit because I was trying to do EVERYTHING on my own...."single" motherhood, demanding job, household chores, bills....everything.
I suffered from depression and anxiety, and I was going to all the wrong things and all the wrong people for help....when all along, God was screaming my name to talk to him.
Slowly but surely, I found myself sitting at church on Sunday rekindling my relationship with God again.
Man...if God was my boyfriend...I'm seriously the psycho girlfriend who keeps treating him like crap, leaving him, and coming back to Him asking to take me back....except...a boyfriend would tell me to go away after the first time.
God keeps accepting me back with open arms and loving me the same no matter what.

Fast forward to now.
My family is facing an extremely uncertain future.
We have no idea where we'll be living at the end of year, we have no idea when I will be out of the Marine Corps...our future is just uncertain.
In the past, I woulda just gone into full anxiety attack mode.
This is the first time, I've kinda just put it into God's hands and let HIM deal with it.
Pretty sweet deal, if you ask me....let someone else deal with your problems....just live life.
And for the first time, I told Nick out loud that I loved Jesus more than Him, and at the end of the day, if I had to choose between the two, it would undoubtedly be Jesus.

I told my Pastor this today, and His exact words to me were,
"The best thing you can do as a wife for your husband is love Jesus more than your husband, and hopefully, he feels the same way."

Nick is working on his relationship with God.
This is something we've been doing together since we got married.
He didn't grow up in church, and he doesn't have much of a foundation to go on, but I'm going to pray for Nick, and hope that one day, he feels the same way I do.
I'm excited that he is so eager to grow in this new relationship.
I call this stage "the dating" stage. 
Yes...he is dating Jesus, and I know through prayer and growth, Nick will say "I do" to Him.


I've decided to get baptized on the last Sunday of this month at Doheny Beach.
I know I'm ready, and I know it's time.

1 comment:

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