Sunday, March 9, 2014

This Life

I often talk about military life on my blog and the challenges that come with it.
It's a unique lifestyle that no other marriage has to endure.
I've always said that I would be as honest and real about my life on this blog as possible.
Especially since I get emails all the time from other military spouses telling me that they love reading about our life, and how we deal with things this life throws at us.
A lot of new and/or young military spouses that are just entering this life have told me how much this blog has helped them.
When I look back at my blog, it makes me happy knowing that the majority of my life, marriage, and kids have been blissful.
I've had some rough patches, and bumpy roads, but for the most part, I've endured them.

Nick and I have been married 6 years.
In those 6 years, we have gone through two Afghanistan deployments, the trials of being a dual active duty couple, the headaches of special duty assignments (recruiting and the drill field), multiple separations ranging from 2 weeks to a year, post partum depression, an anxiety disorder I developed because of this life, kids, selling a home, moving across country, etc. etc. etc. etc...the list is long.
I think it's safe for me to say that those 6 years have packed a life that some marriages don't see in 20 years.
It's been our life.
We've had highs and lows. 
We did the best we could to endure them and get through them.

It never occurred to me to look "back" at the lows to see how it was affecting my life NOW.
Looking back, I realized a lot of those "low points" were never quite resolved.
We just tucked them away in our memory, and moved on hoping for the best and hoping for a brighter future.

This weekend, those lows caught up to us.
It caught up to Nick in a way I've never seen him.
We fought.
We argued.
I cried.
I was irrational. 

Thinking now, I realized that our family goes through the "reintegration" process almost every single year that we've been married...and we go through it multiple times a year.
It's not like he goes on one 7 month long deployment, and he's home for a year.
He's gone for just enough time for our family to establish a routine without him, and BAM...he's home, and we have to start the reintegration process.
Then as we start the reintegration process and life starts getting back to normal....he's gone again.
It's like a vicious cycle that never ends.
It caught up to us.
I realized how emotionally tired and exhausted all of this could be.
I learned that my "cool as a cucumber" husband is as "cool as a cucumber" (meaning he never freaks out about anything or shows much emotion) because it's his way of coping with experiences in combat.

My heart and mind are a flurry of emotions this weekend.
I can barely focus.
I feel like a freight train just rocked my perfect and happy little bubble.

But I guess that's the point, and that's life.
I'm just kind of gave everything to God, and my heart's been at peace.
We talked.
We're working on us. 

We're starting with coffee together every morning (at 4am! eek! I haven't gotten up that early since getting out of the Marine Corps myself!).
I'm driving my kids and me into Boston every Monday to have lunch with him.

Just little things you gotta do to reconnect when this life overwhelms you.

I've always said...
No one can understand this life unless you've lived it.
And that's why I'm so thankful for the community of military spouses that I can cry to....complain to...
They. just. get. it.


  1. Every military family has been there. You're not alone! <3 My love and prayers go out to you and your husband. Stay strong!

  2. Love you and thank you for being so real and sharing.

  3. So true. Reintegration is sneaky. Sometimes it doesn't show up for weeks or months than BAM! out of the blue nothing seems to fit. We had trouble with reintegration this last deployment. I was starting to question our relationship but it just took reintergration a little longer to show up and a little longer to work back a groove. Boy, does it make you stronger in the end though! Glad you all have a plan! Anything to keep things working.

  4. I have always said that the being alone part is not the hardest, its the reintegration! It is always difficult. We have gotten to the point that we just don't jump right in if he has been gone for a long time. We kind of give each other some space to move around the house before going back to a routine. I just let all the attention be on the kids until the dust settles and we can get back into normal life again. You guys will be golden...and your plan sounds like a good one!

  5. We are all here for you to vent to and talk to. Military life is hard, but we all have each other. It is so nice to have people that get this crazy beautiful life, because it is so hard to explain it to anyone else. Hang in there girl, things will get better.

    Just A Girl Blog


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