Wednesday, April 15, 2015

My Mom Thoughts

You ever look back at your life and wonder what you've been doing all these years?
Don't tell me I'm the only one who does this!

There are some days, when I'm writing a paper for my college class while juggling marriage and motherhood, that I just want to "throw in the towel".

Nick's JOB in the Marine Corps right now is to go to school.
He is getting paid his regular Gunny salary just to get an education....pretty sweet deal.
His education takes priority over mine in our family right now because if he fails or something happens, his career is done.

But some days, I wonder if it'd be just easier to wait till he retires to finish school...like in 10 years....

Could I be as successful as I am in college at 40 vice 30?

These thoughts run through my mind constantly.

Then I am instantly reminded that my last 31 years of existence have not been "wasted" (like I sometimes feel).

When I look at my beautiful family and the life that we have built, I know that I am doing exactly as God has intended for me to do.
I love that I am setting an example to my kids that a woman CAN, in fact, "have it all".
I feel like I've had the unique opportunity to experience many different facets of motherhood.

Working Mom...
This was a tough "billet" (there's that Marine in me coming out).
But the satisfaction I got at the end of every day when I got to go pick up my angel from daycare after a hard day's work with immeasurable.
I hope to one day, sit down with Dannika, and have a long conversation about how I juggled working as an active duty Marine, being a mother, and dealing with a deployed husband was like.
It wasn't the "peachy" life, but I think I did an alright job of "mothering".
 Can you believe we spent the majority of my time as a working mom....just the two of us? 


Stay at Home Mom...
This is a job I couldn't WAIT to do, and I was so enthusiastic about it.
As soon as I got out of the Marine Corps, I jumped headfirst into stay at home motherhood.
Is it a challenging job? yes.
Is is thankless? yes.
Is it rewarding? yes. yes. yes. 
But, I'm not gonna lie...
I truly missed having "important meetings" and having conversations with like minded individuals during the day (like minded being other Marines).
I missed feeling important, and all of a sudden, I felt myself yearning to be back in uniform again.
This is something I learned most veterans go through as part of their transition.
By the way...
I do NOT miss being a Marine.
I DO miss being around and leading Marines every day.
Some people are born to be stay at home moms...
I think, I'm ok at it, but I'm definitely not the happiest doing it.
Not that being with my kids, taking them on play dates, chauffeuring them, etc. is miserable for me (in case you took it that way).
For me, I need a little more.


Full Time College Student Mom...
Taking two years off to be home with my kids after getting out of the Marine Corps was long enough.
I knew that I needed and wanted to go back to college.
Silly me, I jumped blindfolded and headfirst into college life by starting my first semester taking 18 credit hours...
My brain is fried most days.
I am busy taking my eldest to dance and gymnastics...
I attend Kindergarten classroom parties and "sing-a-longs"...
If I can, I try and squeeze in a lunch date with my Dannika Jane at school...
In between all of this, I have this crazy 1 year old in the mix.
I cook dinner most nights.
You can catch me studying in my car while waiting for my child to be done with gymnastics class.
You can catch me reading while cooking dinner.
I'm making study guides while feeding my son his lunch.
It's crazy some days, and as much as I complain about it....
I. Love. It.
It's purposeful to me.

I have always had dreams of BOTH my kids going to college (at Texas A&M...of course...).
A big part of me being back in school is so that they can't throw the, "Do as I say, not as I do" card in my face when I tell them they need to get an education.

Military life is not an easy life, and I don't want my kids to subjected to this lifestyle...especially my sweet precious Dannika Jane.
Not that she couldn't handle it, but life is tough enough for a man in the Corps, it's 200 times tougher to be a woman in the Corps.
I like to say that Nick and I have done enough time in the Corps together to cover our kids'.
As much as I joke that my son WILL join the Marine Corps...
Deep down inside, I pray to God he chooses college (to be an Aggie...lol).



Who knows what the future holds?
I just hope I have done enough to make these kids of mine proud to call me their mom.
We've been in Texas too long. She was cold with 67 degree weather, and put on her parka.




And of course, there's no one I'd rather do it with than this handsome guy....


6 comments:

  1. I've been feeling exhausted lately too, not knowing if I can do this anymore. It's alot!

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  2. Any kind of working or going to school that a Mom does is amazing! I commend you for all you do. My sister is a single Mom that works from home and goes to school, it's insane.

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  3. Replies
    1. thanks Marcella!! You're too sweet

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  4. I have totally had these same thoughts! I was going to school full time when I had Ace, and I graduated when I had Pierce. It was SO hard, not to mention Chris was going full time as well, and on recruiting. When he would go away for a school or something I would do my classes and his classes since we couln't let him fail. I am so happy I finished my degree, but I have had to put off going to grad school. I always say, when the kids are all in school I will go back. But realistically I think I will have to wait until Chris is out of the Army to make it work. I feel ya mama, your are doing amazing!

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  5. Thanks Kelsey!!! Although...I couldn't imagine doing this with 4 kids!!!! Seriously...

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